This is the ability to identify and manage our own emotions and recognize, understand or influence the emotions of others. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results. Emotional intelligence is recognized to be one of the most important predictors of personal, business and professional success.
The model introduced by Daniel Goleman focuses on emotional intelligence as a wide array of competencies and skills that drive leadership performance. Goleman’s model outlines four main EQ constructs:
Self-awareness – the ability to read one’s emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
Self-management – involves controlling one’s emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
Social awareness – the ability to sense, understand, and react to other people’s emotions while comprehending social networks.
Relationship management – the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing conflict.
Irene Becker in her 3Q leadership model has a list of the major emotional intelligence competencies that make up a fully integrated personality:
Emotional Self-awareness – The degree to which you can notice your feelings, label them and attribute them properly.
Emotional Expression – The ability to express your feelings and gut-level instincts. Emotional expression is an integral part of your day.
Emotional Awareness of Others – The ability to hear, sense or intuit what other people may be feeling from their words, body language (non- verbal) or other direct or indirect clues.
Creativity Tapping into the multiple non-cognitive resources that help us envision new ideas, frame alternative solutions and find effective ways of doing things.
Resilience/Flexibility/Adaptability. The ability to bounce back, be flexible, and retain curiosity and hope in the face of adversity, change or challenge.
Interpersonal Connections – Creating and sustaining a network of people with whom you can be your real and whole self. Where there is real communication.
Constructive Discontent – The ability to stay calm focused and emotionally grounded in disagreement or conflict.
Outlook/Optimism – Being positive and optimistic.
Compassion/Empathy – The ability to be empathic, appreciate and honor others’ feelings.
Intuition – The ability to notice, trust and use your hunches, gut-level reactions, and other non-cognitive responses produced by the senses, emotions, mind and body.
Intentionality: Saying what you mean and meaning what you say; being willing to forego distractions and temptations in order to be responsible for your actions and your motives.
Trust radius – Believing people are “good” until proven otherwise. Alternatively overcoming being too trusting.
Personal Power – Believing you can meet challenges and live the life you choose.
Instead of taking an assessment, you can see what Dr. Travis Bradberry says about the 18 signs that you have a high EQ.
People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive robust vocabulary of feelings to do so.
Emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them.
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting and embracing to change.
Having a high EQ means they know their strengths and how to lean into and use them to your full advantage while keeping their weaknesses from holding them back.
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through.
Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident, open-minded and difficult to offend.
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. They delay gratification and avoid impulsive action. They know how to say no (to self and others).
Emotionally intelligent people let go of their mistakes but do so without forgetting them.
Emotionally intelligent people give and expect nothing in return.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t hold grudges.
High-EQ individuals neutralize toxic people and control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. They consider the difficult person’s standpoint and can find solutions and common ground.
Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist.
Emotionally intelligent people work daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Emotionally intelligent people disconnect. They take regular time off the grid.
High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they limit their caffeine intake.
High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough–or the right kind–of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.
Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook. They stop negative self-talk in its tracks.
When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something they’ve done, they won’t let anyone limit their joy.
The good news is that not only can emotional intelligence competencies be increased, but EQ will help us build the leadership, transparent communication and collaboration to lead better lives, do better business and contribute to a better world.
We all want different things out of life. Some of us are entrepreneurs and want to change the world. Some of us are employees wanting to pay all the bills. Some of us are homemakers making sure our children are looked after well. Some of us are students wanting to get the best grades.
Wherever you are in life, we are striving for something else, something better. In the process, we are bound to meet with failure and feel fear.
What is fear? Fear really is a protective mechanism because if we did not have it, we may not back away from legitimate threats. But where it holds us back is when the situations are far from being life-threatening.
Fear is an emotion. Notice the word emotion. It contains the word motion. We live in a sea of motion as everything is energy. So, the energy of fear is energy in motion. Energy is what we need to move.
In the body, fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals. These chemicals produce a fight-or-flight response or sometimes a freeze response. The stimulus could be a real threat or a perceived threat.
The brain is part of the central nervous system where information is evaluated and decisions made. It is a very complex organ and connects to the peripheral nervous system. This allows it to receive and interpret the messages from all parts of the body. Some of these communications lead to conscious thought and action, while others produce autonomic responses. The fear response is almost entirely autonomic.
Some of the parts of the brain involved with the fear response are the thalamus, the sensory cortex, the hippocampus, the hypothalamus and the amygdala. The amygdala is interesting as it decodes emotions, determines possible threats, and stores fear memories. It is part of our survival instinct. This survival instinct is our most powerful drive but it is largely unconscious and genetically hard-wired into our DNA.
So sometimes the fears we have, may have been genetically passed down to us. This means they are so unconscious, we don’t even know they are there. So, the first step to working with fear is to become conscious that it is there.
This can be tricky as we have developed habits that may have come out of an old belief that was based on fear. So sometimes we need a pair of eyes outside ourselves to show us the way that fear is holding us back.
For some fears though, we know they are there every time we try to do something different. Our brain does not like change as our whole nervous system is wired to keep us safe. So, when we try something new, there is a fear that comes up as we don’t know if we will be able to do the new thing.
We must separate ourselves from the fear and realize that it is just an energy. Once we see it as energy and not ourselves, then we can utilize that energy. We can use that energy to do the thing that frightens us. Some will call this facing our fears or shining the light on them. Once we separate ourselves from our fear then we can see it is an illusion.
This will help us reframe it and use the energy of it to our advantage. So next time there is something new that you are faced with and it scares you, separate from the fear and let it fuel the thing you want to change.
Out of curiosity, I went to see a visiting Ayurvedic doctor who was here from India. I knew a little about Ayurvedic medicine through all my studying of health over the years but there is always more to learn. So, I decided to be adventurous and see what else I could learn.
Ayurveda means a science of life (Ayur = life, Veda = science or knowledge). Ayurvedic medicine originated in India more than 3,000 years ago and remains one of the country’s traditional healthcare systems. Those who practice Ayurvedic medicine believe every person is made of five basic elements found in the universe: space, air, fire, water, and earth.
It’s based on the belief that health and wellness depend on a delicate balance between the mind, body, and spirit. Its main goal is to promote good health, not fight disease. But treatments may be geared toward specific health problems.
This doctor was from southern India and has an Ayurvedic medicine clinic over there that anyone can go to. He was just here for two weeks in Canada to see new and existing clients.
The first thing he did was check my pulses on the inside of my wrist. This procedure is very helpful in assessing and diagnosing. He was checking the health of all the major organ systems in my body. Traditional pulse diagnosis assesses up to 28 different qualities of the pulse. It takes many years of practice to get good at it.
After the pulse diagnosis, he told me my doshas. Doshas are the life forces or energies. They control how your body works. They are Vata dosha; Pitta dosha; and Kapha Dosha. He told me my two were Vata and Pitta. Everyone inherits a unique mix of the three doshas. But one is usually stronger than the others. Each one controls a different body function. Vata was my main life force. Pitta was my next one.
Vata derives from the elements of Space and Air and translates as “wind” or “that which moves things”. The Vata people are active, creative, and gifted with a natural ability to express and communicate. Pitta derives from the elements of Fire and Water and translates as “that which cooks.” The balanced Pitta type is blessed with a joyful disposition, a sharp intellect, and tremendous courage and drive. Kapha derives from the elements of Earth and Water and translates as “that which sticks”. Kapha people have a loving and calm disposition and Kapha dosha governs love, patience, and forgiveness.
Using that information, he proceeded to create an individual health program for my combination of doshas. It consisted of a daily routine, including meditation, the best foods and physical activities suited to the Vata Dosha. I found out the best time to eat fruit for me is between 11 and 4 p.m. He was impressed with my current diet as we went over the foods. He did comment that I needed to get to bed earlier than I am used to. So that is my challenge this year.
At the end of the whole session, he commented on how healthy I was for my age and said I could be a role model for others. I told him that was my aim. I told him I take whole food supplements and that helps me stay young and healthy.
So, my Ayurvedic medicine adventure was both fun and informative. It confirmed I am on the right track and if you need any help to get on your right track, please reach out.
It is that time of the year again. It is after the holidays and all the extra eating. Our immune systems have taken a battering with all the extra sugar. Stress, (either physical or emotional), sugar, alcohol, toxins, poor diet, and lack of rest all contribute to weakening the immune system. The holiday season is full of these. Remember – consuming white sugar immobilizes your immunity for up to 3 hours. So, the logical consequence of this merrymaking is that we catch whatever is going around; either a cold or the flu.
Our immune systems have no single central location in the body and no chief organ. Instead, it is a cooperative system of biochemicals and white blood cells (leukocytes), tissues and organs which are distributed throughout the body in various locations. Constantly challenged, these cells work together, detecting any foreign substance in the body, defending and abolishing what does not belong.
To keep our immune system strong, we need a diet rich in yellow and green leafy vegetables, high antioxidant nutrients like onions and garlic, citrus fruits, whole grains, legumes, sesame seeds, nuts, low fat protein, pure water, occasional detoxification, exercise, adequate rest, meditation, gratitude, and nutritional supplements. Supplements are essential for the immune system.
Following are the supplements that I have found to work in building my immune system:
Soy protein provides the essential building block for all cells including our immune cells. The amino acids are the ‘bricks’ needed to build/repair all body parts. It is an essential raw material for the antibodies in our immune system. It also alkalizes the body.
A good multivitamin and multimineral, that contains zinc, (crucial to the bacteria-killing activity of B and T cells, important to stop the shrinkage of the thymus gland), copper (needed by thymus gland to produce its hormones) and iron (needed by T cells). It will also contain the main vitamins like B, C, D, E, etc. listed below.
Vitamin D3 boosts general resistance to disease, improves production of antibodies, and increases the effectiveness of macrophages.
B Vitamins especially B6 support healthy mucous membranes (first line of defence) and helps with the production of antibodies.
Vitamin E with selenium boosts general resistance to disease, protects against free radical damage, increases production of B cells, improves production of antibodies, enhances cooperation between T helper cells and B cells, and increases the effectiveness of macrophages.
Carotenes are crucial for the integrity of skin (first line of defence), protecting mucous membranes, tears, sweat, saliva, stimulating immune function, supporting the thymus and protecting against free radicals.
Essential fatty acids help nerves, brain and communication chemicals needed for the nervous, endocrine and immune systems.
Bifidus and acidophilus (the friendly bacteria) help boost the whole system as 70-80% of our immunity is in the Peyer’s Patches in the intestines. The caplet needs to be triple encapsulated to protect these essential bacteria from the acidity of the stomach.
Alfalfa absorbs contamination, alkalinizes the bloodstream, and fights viruses and bacteria. I take 30 when I feel any symptoms coming on.
Three of my favourite immune products are:
NutriFeron that was developed and extensively tested by immunologists in Japan, and clinically proven to support and stimulate the natural immune response process at the cellular level. It supports and stimulates the immune system, by increasing the activity of macrophages and inducing natural interferon production. It optimizes immune response against environmental irritants and airborne substances (as with allergies and asthma). I take this one daily for prevention.
Defend & Resist Complex activates the immune system, promotes the production of white blood cells, enhances resistance to infection, viral and bacterial, especially flu and herpes, and reduces mucus. It provides four clinically proven immune-supporting ingredients including echinacea and zinc. It works best when started at the onset of cold or flu symptoms when you feel that first tickle.
Vitalized Immunity contains as much Vitamin C as 16 oranges. It is a delicious effervescent drink for an occasional boost when your immune system needs fast support. Vitamin C is a natural antihistamine, helps iron be absorbed, helps form red blood cells, fights bacterial infection, helps macrophages, can increase production of interferon, increases the power of macrophages, protects against free radicals and has an anti-stress function.
So, if you need any help with your immunity, please feel free to reach out.
I went to see The Greatest Showman last week. It was a musical inspired by the story of P.T. Barnum’s creation of the Barnum & Bailey Circus. The movie and the music were very inspiring and the movie touched on two elements I wanted to expand on.
The first one is imagination. We live in a society that does not support our imagination enough. It starts in schools where we have to abide by the rules and imagination is frowned upon. “Stop daydreaming” is a warning many of us heard while in school. It continues into adulthood where people will often scorn “silly” ideas.
What I loved is that P.T. Barnum’s imagination was present and thriving and brought to life in this movie. The musical scores also brought it to life as well. In the lyrics of “A Million Dreams”, imagination is key.
“They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I’ve lost my mind I don’t care, I don’t care, so call me crazy We can live in a world that we design
‘Cause every night I lie in bed The brightest colours fill my head A million dreams are keeping me awake I think of what the world could be A vision of the one I see A million dreams is all it’s gonna take A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.”
Also with the song “The Greatest Show”.
“And all that was real is left behind
Don’t fight it, it’s coming for you, running at ya It’s only this moment, don’t care what comes after Your fever dream, can’t you see it getting closer Just surrender ’cause you feel the feeling taking over It’s fire, it’s freedom, it’s flooding open Watching it come true, it’s taking over you Just surrender ’cause you’re calling and you wanna go
Impossible comes true, intoxicating you Watching it come true, it’s taking over you It’s everything you ever want It’s everything you ever need And it’s here right in front of you This is where you wanna be.”
Both the movie and the character of P.T. Barnum invite you to explore your imagination. In the song “The Other Side” P.T. Barnum invites his future partner Phillip to leave the conventional world and join him.
So come with me and take the ride
It’ll take you to the other side
‘Cause you can do like you do
Or you can do like me
Stay in the cage, or you’ll finally take the key
Oh, damn! Suddenly you’re free to fly
It’ll take you there to the other side.
So like P.T. Barnum, I invite you to let go of the constraints and let your imagination fly this year.
The other element I want to touch on is being yourself. That was really clear in the song “This Is Me”.
“I’m not a stranger to the dark “Hide away, ” they say “‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts” I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars “Run away, ” they say “No one will love you as you are”
But I won’t let them break me down to dust I know that there’s a place for us For we are glorious
When the sharpest words wanna cut me down I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out I am brave, I am bruised I am who I’m meant to be, this is me Look out ’cause here I come And I’m marching on to the beat I drum I’m not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me”.
As P. T. Barnum said in his book, The Art of Money Getting: Golden Rules for Making Money, “We are all, no doubt, born for a wise purpose. ” (Contact me if you would like a copy)
So in 2018 go out and be yourself, be unique and let your imagination fly to create your desired world.
We are still at the beginning of a new year. The new year means new beginnings. It is like a blank slate. Have you set your tone for this new year? Do you feel good about what you accomplished last year? What do you want to change?
In the last blog, I talked about Vision Boards. They can be the visual aspect of what you are planning for this year. You get to create as if you are starting all over again. If there was anything you were not happy with last year, now is the time to change it.
So what is your vision for this year? What do you want to accomplish? What are you passionate about? What are your health goals? What are your fitness goals? What are your relationship goals? Your family goals? What are your career goals? What are your financial goals for this year? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to go with? Do you want to grow in any particular area of your life? Do you want to take courses/workshops? Do you want to join any social groups?
You could make a Vision Board about your vision for this year.
Here are few ways to check to make sure your Vision Board is going to manifest your desires.
The images on your board symbolize the experiences you want to feel.
You have used positive affirmations, inspirational words and thoughts on your board.
Your vision board is visually appealing to the eye.
Your vision board is where you can see it daily.
You spend time at least twice a day visualizing, affirming, and internalizing your goals.
You verbalize the affirmations and inspirational words out loud.
When you look at your Vision Board you feel gratitude for all you have manifested.
You see yourself living the life you have depicted on your Vision Board.
Using all your senses, you see and feel yourself in your future vision.
You believe the items on your board have already manifested.
You celebrate the good that you already possess.
You acknowledge and learn from any challenges you have experienced.
Many years ago I was introduced to vision boards. A vision board is any sort of board on which you display images that represent whatever you want to be, do or have in your life. Some people call them dream boards. The person leading the group asked us to find images that would describe our ideal business. Then we cut and pasted the images that we had chosen out of magazines onto a piece of Bristol board. The vision board we each made was supposed to help us clarify, concentrate and maintain focus on, in this case, our business. It was to represent our vision of the future and act as a visualization tool. It was supposed to prompt us to visualize our ideal life on a regular basis.
The challenge I had was, that this activity was done in a couple of hours and I felt rushed and I felt incomplete. There was no inner reflection time to get clear on what I really wanted. So I just grabbed images that I thought would work but was unhappy with my rushed finished product. As a result, I put the vision board away in a closet and didn’t look at it again until I moved house. It really was not a vision board for me.
Then due to my coaching business, I came across vision boards again but this time really looked into how to do one that would actually work. I took the time to really go into my thoughts, dreams, aspirations and then created a vision board that actually worked. I manifested what was on my board this time. In the case of Hawaii (which was on my board), I even manifested an all expense paid trip.
So what was the difference? The first vision board did not have a real intention behind it. I also put it away and did not see it daily as a reminder of what I wanted to manifest.
When I made the second vision board I had an intention and a purpose for making it. I took time to do some inner exercises so that I was really clear on what I wanted. I created a calm space and had some music playing in the background as I searched for my images in a relaxed mode. Another aspect of making a purpose driven vision board is that I was aligned through my heart with what was on the board. I was emotionally connected to what I put on that board. I even added emotional words to my board. I laid everything out before gluing and then rearranged until it felt right.
After I had finished the board I had the board in front of me daily and I was able to affirm the desires on the board. What we focus on expands so I made a point to visualize daily and sometimes twice a day. This helped me to be a vibrational match to what was on my board and activate the Law of Attraction.
I took appropriate action towards manifesting what was on my board. I also became aware of some resistance in the form of old belief systems. Old stories and thoughts reared their head and I had to strengthen my resolve to stay focused on what was on my vision board. I had to bring myself back to the vibration that was present when I made the board. My future purpose driven vision. I made the decision to take responsibility for my life, and instead of just letting life happen to me, I stayed focused on my vision and how I wanted to feel.
The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words,” certainly holds true here. The purpose of your vision board is to bring everything on it to life. First, think about what your goals are in the following areas: relationships, career and finances, home, travel, personal growth (including spirituality, social life, education) and health. Decide on what area you want to do a vision board and then set the time aside to do it.
If you would like guidance around your purpose and some like-minded people around as you make your vision board, let me know as I have some dates set aside to do exactly that.